The Jewish Wisdom Database

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Time wounds all heels.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

There is only one way to find out if a man is honest---ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he's crooked.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.