The Jewish Wisdom Database

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21 Quotations Found

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor government
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor books animals
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor children
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor wisdom
I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: television humor books education
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor marriage
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor wisdom
Time wounds all heels.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor justice and law
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor marriage
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor children
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor war government
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor justice and law music
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor business and money
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: parents humor children
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: women humor health and medicine
There is only one way to find out if a man is honest---ask him. If he says 'yes,' you know he's crooked.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor wisdom
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: women humor
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