The Jewish Wisdom Database

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.

My favorite animal is steak.

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.

The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.

Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house.

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors.