Displaying quotations 1 - 25. ID:6
Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
ID:19
Never go to bed mad - Stay up and fight.
ID:5
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses.
He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring
us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!
ID:14
Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children.
ID:21
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it
everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the
wrong remedies.
ID:23
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are
busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.
ID:27
I refuse to join any club that would
have me as a member.
ID:28
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn't it.
ID:9
Everybody likes a kidder but nobody loans him money.
ID:22
Vote for the man who promises the least; he'll be the least disappointing.
ID:47
I'm Jewish. I don't work out.
If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
ID:49
As long as the world is turning and spinning,
we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
ID:50
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
ID:51
Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that
if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs,
you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very
opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least
think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.
ID:52
I've had great success being a total idiot.
ID:53
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the
world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
ID:70
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing
is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
ID:71
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
ID:69
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
ID:39
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
ID:41
The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it.
ID:48
He who limps is still walking.
ID:58
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other
ten percent a bad reputation.
ID:72
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
ID:74
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives
teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling
them to sit down and shut up.