The Jewish Wisdom Database

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Displaying quotations 1 - 25.

Humility is no substitute for a good personality.

  - Fran LebowitzTopics: humor
Never go to bed mad - Stay up and fight.

  - Phyllis DillerTopics: humor
Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!

  - Golda MeirTopics: humor Israel
Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children.

  - Sam LevensonTopics: humor children
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor government
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

  - George BurnsTopics: humor government
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
Everybody likes a kidder but nobody loans him money.

  - Arthur MillerTopics: humor business and money
Vote for the man who promises the least; he'll be the least disappointing.

  - Bernard BaruchTopics: humor government
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

  - Joan RiversTopics: humor
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.

  - Mel BrooksTopics: humor
Humor is just another defense against the universe.

  - Mel BrooksTopics: humor
Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

  - Mel BrooksTopics: humor life
I've had great success being a total idiot.

  - Jerry LewisTopics: humor business and money
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

  - Jerry SeinfeldTopics: humor
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

  - Phyllis DillerTopics: humor children
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

  - Phyllis DillerTopics: women humor
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

  - Phyllis DillerTopics: humor
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor science
The most aggravating thing about the younger generation is that I no longer belong to it.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor children
He who limps is still walking.

  - Joan RiversTopics: humor wisdom
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

  - Henry A. KissingerTopics: humor government
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  - Phyllis DillerTopics: humor children
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

  - Phyllis DillerTopics: parents humor children education
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