The Jewish Wisdom Database

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

Remember-you can't beam through a force field. So, don't try it.

We have to believe in free-will. We've got no choice.

I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

Sports is the toy department of human life.

Not the cardplayer pays the penalty but only the man who knows not how to play, yet does.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Time wounds all heels.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.