The Jewish Wisdom Database

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Displaying quotations 26 - 50.

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

  - Lenny BruceTopics: humor children
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

  - George BurnsTopics: humor
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

  - George BurnsTopics: humor golden years
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

  - George BurnsTopics: humor
It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

  - Jackie MasonTopics: humor golden years health and medicine
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

  - Milton BerleTopics: humor business and money
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

  - Milton BerleTopics: humor business and money
Laughter is an instant vacation.

  - Milton BerleTopics: humor
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

  - Jack BennyTopics: humor
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

  - Jack BennyTopics: humor golden years health and medicine
Remember-you can't beam through a force field. So, don't try it.

  - William ShatnerTopics: humor science
We have to believe in free-will. We've got no choice.

  - Isaac Bashevis SingerTopics: humor wisdom
I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.

  - Neil SimonTopics: humor life
You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

  - Neil SimonTopics: humor education
Sports is the toy department of human life.

  - Howard CosellTopics: humor life
Not the cardplayer pays the penalty but only the man who knows not how to play, yet does.

  - Yiddish ProverbTopics: humor wisdom
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor books animals
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor children
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor wisdom
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor marriage
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor wisdom
Time wounds all heels.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor justice and law
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor marriage
You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor children
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

  - George BurnsTopics: humor marriage
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