The Jewish Wisdom Database

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Displaying quotations 51 - 75.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

  - George BurnsTopics: humor golden years
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

  - George BurnsTopics: truth humor
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: love humor science
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: truth humor science
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor wisdom science
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor science
The hardest thing in the world to understand, is income tax.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor business and money government
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor science
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

  - Albert EinsteinTopics: humor
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  - Groucho MarxTopics: humor
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor justice and law
Eighty percent of success is showing up.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor business and money
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor science
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor death
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor knowledge
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor faith
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor death
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor science
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor faith
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor sin and repentance
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor science
Why are our days numbered and not, say lettered?

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor life
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor history
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor death
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

  - Woody AllenTopics: humor life
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